Alright, alright, let’s gab about this “can you put lotion in your butt” thing. I ain’t no fancy doctor or nothin’, but I’ve heard some things and seen some things, you know? Life teaches you a lot, even if you ain’t got no book learnin’.
So, first off, why in the tarnation would ya wanna put lotion in your butt? Well, some folks get these awful tears down there, what they call “anal fissures,” I think. It’s like havin’ a cut on your lip, but way down yonder. Hurts like the dickens, I bet. Now, the doctors, they use some fancy stuff, somethin’ called “cinchocaine,” sounds like somethin’ you’d catch fish with, don’t it? And that “hydro-something,” it helps with the swelling and the itchin’. But if you ain’t got that fancy stuff, maybe some plain old lotion could help, I reckon. Just make sure it ain’t got no perfume or nothin’ harsh in it, ya hear?
Now, some folks, they use lotion all the time, everywhere. Dry skin is a pain, I tell ya. My hands get so dry from washin’ and cleanin’, they crack and bleed somethin’ awful. So, I get it, usin’ lotion. But your butt, that’s a different story. It’s a sensitive spot, ya know? You gotta be careful.
- First off, keep it clean down there. Wash good, real good.
- And eat your roughage, your greens and such. Keeps things movin’ smooth, if you catch my drift.
- Dr. Thomas, whoever he is, he says it’s a lifestyle, not just a one-time thing. Makes sense, I guess.
Now, this “anal douchin’” thing I heard about… washin’ out your backside with water. Why folks do that, I ain’t quite sure. Maybe to feel clean, I guess. But you gotta be careful, don’t wanna mess up the good bacteria down there. And for sure don’t be stickin’ no harsh chemicals up there. That just sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.
And then there’s these “butt plugs.” Lord have mercy! I don’t know what folks are thinkin’ these days. Seems like they’ll stick anything anywhere. But if you’re gonna do it, I guess your own finger is the safest bet. At least you know where it’s been, right? And it’s free, which is always a good thing in my book.
So, back to the lotion. If you’re gonna put it in your butt, and I ain’t sayin’ you should, be gentle, real gentle. And use a clean finger, for cryin’ out loud. Don’t go stickin’ the whole bottle up there, that ain’t gonna do nobody no good. A little dab will do ya, like they say. And if it hurts, stop! Don’t be a fool. Your body knows what it likes and what it don’t.
Now, “butt sex”… well, that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms, ain’t it? If you’re gonna be doin’ that, well, you best make sure things are… lubricated. I guess that’s where the lotion might come in handy. But again, be careful what you use. You don’t want no irritation down there. That’s just gonna make things worse.
So, can you put lotion in your butt? Well, I guess you can. But should you? That’s up to you, I reckon. Just be smart about it, use common sense, and listen to your body. And if somethin’ don’t feel right, go see a doctor. Don’t be shy. They’ve seen it all before, I guarantee ya. And for goodness sake, keep things clean. That’s just good sense whether you’re talking about your hands or your behind.
This whole thing reminds me of when my old mule, Bess, got a… well, never mind. That’s a story for another time. Just remember, be kind to your backside, and it’ll be kind to you. That’s all I gotta say on the matter. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go check on my biscuits.
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